Post by MikeTheHatter on Sept 27, 2016 11:27:28 GMT -6
This is super good! Intense and alive.
Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it!
Very well done! This longer form really plays to your strengths of being able to establish powerful scenes, and gives you room to set up several that are very well done. It's also got a very good intensity to it, owing to the powerful scenes triggering emotional responses.
Thank you very much for the compliment! This started out as a wild idea and having done it, I'm super stoked with how it turned out. I know what you mean about the times I break the meter. I really tried to work them out, but I don't know how to get the same info across without those. Have to take the lumps for it this time and try to improve for next.
Incidentally, if the first poem you're so critical of is the one with the lightning strike, you shouldn't be so harsh:
That is actually the very one! I'm probably a little harsh on it, but having the time separation to look back on it, it feels more ham-fisted to me. I had the idea to totally switch styles midway through, but looking back that middle section feels really out of place, and its what my instructor dinged me for more than anything. I haven't tried Haiku yet, but I'm def going to dabble a bit now that I have a better understanding of how to work syllables. (I don't know if I'm that good at capturing scenes just yet.)
Looking forward to seeing more of your posts here, by the way (Not to mention actually having a few minutes so that I can finish up Project Saturn... it's gooood!)
Much appreciated! As always, let me know what you think if/when you get the chance. I've been trying to work on Episode 3 of Saturn for a bit, but school is keeping me pretty busy with this and that. I've got a short story due for Fiction Writing Friday, so I'll most likely post that up here sometime around then.