Text's Play Hearts of Iron 4: Shackiversary Edition
Jan 17, 2018 10:12:13 GMT -6
Random, Jade, and 1 more like this
Post by ThatWeirdAnimeGuy on Jan 17, 2018 10:12:13 GMT -6
We're playing this game in real time apparently.
Part 2: A work of Moz-Art
The Austrian Navy is a thing now. That's cool.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger: Sean, what the fuck is that?
General Sean: That's our new submarine commander, Admiral Miran Batti.
GM Haslinger: Why is our submarine commander a giant hamster with wings on his head?
Gen. Sean: Nobody has any naval experience anyway so we thought we'd pick an adorable admiral to raise morale.
GM Haslinger: I don't know how to respond to that so I'm just going to go see how Jade is doing with the Italians.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: They say Italian men are supposed to be charming so good on you guys for breaking down stereotypes.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: I'll be honest, everyone. I don't have the slightest clue why this is happening.
Just a friendly reminder that Jade can be very scary.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Oh my God, Japan. Can you just go get fucked or something instead?
Little Joey Stalin wants to help us beat the Italians. His face is so cute we can't say no.
Commander-in-Chief Jade fights the urge to call this plan "Operation: Italian Spitroast."
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Okay, but why though?
It was at this point that I realized the missed opportunity in not changing Trotsky to Thomas.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement:
Where's that damn pope? The gag is getting cold.
That's kind of stupid but it's also pretty ballsy. I like it.
GM Haslinger: Okay, everyone we beat Italy. Nice job.
Everyone else: yay
GM Haslinger: Alright, so how the heck do we fight Japan now?
Gen. Sean: What about Bulgaria?
CIC Jade: If it doesn't go down in 4 hours, consult your doctor.
GM Haslinger: Haha, Niiice.
Gen. Eugene T: Let's offer China help to fight the Japanese and then find a way to attack the island from there.
GM Haslinger: Jade, you go do that. I'm going to go eat a buttload of pasta and use the Papal Toilet. (I'M GOING TO TAKE A HOLY SHIT.)
SOMEWHERE IN CHINA:
Mysterious Dragon: Hey.
CIC Jade: Oh wow! A dragon!
Discovered Dragon: Yep.
CIC Jade: What are you doing here?
Lazy Dragon: Dragon stuff, mostly.
CIC Jade: What's your name?
Less Mysterious Dragon: Xenochrist
CIC Jade: Do you want to help us fight Japan for good and stuff?
Recruited Dragon: Sure, fighting armies of humans sounds like more good dragon stuff to do.
MEANWHILE, IN EUROPE:
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Ew, no. I don't want to join your dumb dolphin bullshit. I have a better idea.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Everyone is welcome to join the Funky Shack. It's mostly just to talk about butts but it's also a good place to be if you don't want your country taken over by assholes.
BACK IN CHINA
CIC Jade receives a latter from Grand Mistress Haslinger: Guys, this is taking forever. Can't you just go to Japan and end it or something?
CIC Jade: We don't have enough ships to land in Japan over sea.
XenoChrist: What if I fly them there?
CIC Jade: You can fly our entire army to Japan by yourself?
XenoChrist: Dragons are badass, lady.
XenoChrist: Roses are red, violets are blue, omae wa mo shindeiru.
XenoChrist: There you go, I conquered Japan for good and stuff.
CIC Jade: What are you going to do now?
XenoChrist: I don't know. I'll probably just stay here and watch anime or something.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: What? They want to give me land now? Ok whatever. I'll take Italy to put all my sex toys in. I'll take Japan because there's apparently a dragon or something there that I don't want to piss off, I'll take Germany because they're assholes, and I'll take Bulgaria because I think it's funny.
Grand=Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: AUSTRIA HAS THE BIGGEST DICK
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: I want to welcome everyone to the Funky Shack. It's really nice to have you all here. Wait, why is Poland crying?
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: So it turns out Poland was at war with the Soviet Union so now we have to teach Joey a lesson about respecting others and protect Poland.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: HOLY SHIT, Poland. Why the hell did you even ask for our help? You're doing fine on your own.
Next time: The Funky Shack goes to war with the Ecco The Dolphin Fandom
Part 2: A work of Moz-Art
The Austrian Navy is a thing now. That's cool.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger: Sean, what the fuck is that?
General Sean: That's our new submarine commander, Admiral Miran Batti.
GM Haslinger: Why is our submarine commander a giant hamster with wings on his head?
Gen. Sean: Nobody has any naval experience anyway so we thought we'd pick an adorable admiral to raise morale.
GM Haslinger: I don't know how to respond to that so I'm just going to go see how Jade is doing with the Italians.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: They say Italian men are supposed to be charming so good on you guys for breaking down stereotypes.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: I'll be honest, everyone. I don't have the slightest clue why this is happening.
Just a friendly reminder that Jade can be very scary.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Oh my God, Japan. Can you just go get fucked or something instead?
Little Joey Stalin wants to help us beat the Italians. His face is so cute we can't say no.
Commander-in-Chief Jade fights the urge to call this plan "Operation: Italian Spitroast."
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Okay, but why though?
It was at this point that I realized the missed opportunity in not changing Trotsky to Thomas.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement:
Where's that damn pope? The gag is getting cold.
That's kind of stupid but it's also pretty ballsy. I like it.
GM Haslinger: Okay, everyone we beat Italy. Nice job.
Everyone else: yay
GM Haslinger: Alright, so how the heck do we fight Japan now?
Gen. Sean: What about Bulgaria?
CIC Jade: If it doesn't go down in 4 hours, consult your doctor.
GM Haslinger: Haha, Niiice.
Gen. Eugene T: Let's offer China help to fight the Japanese and then find a way to attack the island from there.
GM Haslinger: Jade, you go do that. I'm going to go eat a buttload of pasta and use the Papal Toilet. (I'M GOING TO TAKE A HOLY SHIT.)
SOMEWHERE IN CHINA:
Mysterious Dragon: Hey.
CIC Jade: Oh wow! A dragon!
Discovered Dragon: Yep.
CIC Jade: What are you doing here?
Lazy Dragon: Dragon stuff, mostly.
CIC Jade: What's your name?
Less Mysterious Dragon: Xenochrist
CIC Jade: Do you want to help us fight Japan for good and stuff?
Recruited Dragon: Sure, fighting armies of humans sounds like more good dragon stuff to do.
MEANWHILE, IN EUROPE:
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Ew, no. I don't want to join your dumb dolphin bullshit. I have a better idea.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: Everyone is welcome to join the Funky Shack. It's mostly just to talk about butts but it's also a good place to be if you don't want your country taken over by assholes.
BACK IN CHINA
CIC Jade receives a latter from Grand Mistress Haslinger: Guys, this is taking forever. Can't you just go to Japan and end it or something?
CIC Jade: We don't have enough ships to land in Japan over sea.
XenoChrist: What if I fly them there?
CIC Jade: You can fly our entire army to Japan by yourself?
XenoChrist: Dragons are badass, lady.
XenoChrist: Roses are red, violets are blue, omae wa mo shindeiru.
XenoChrist: There you go, I conquered Japan for good and stuff.
CIC Jade: What are you going to do now?
XenoChrist: I don't know. I'll probably just stay here and watch anime or something.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: What? They want to give me land now? Ok whatever. I'll take Italy to put all my sex toys in. I'll take Japan because there's apparently a dragon or something there that I don't want to piss off, I'll take Germany because they're assholes, and I'll take Bulgaria because I think it's funny.
Grand=Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: AUSTRIA HAS THE BIGGEST DICK
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: I want to welcome everyone to the Funky Shack. It's really nice to have you all here. Wait, why is Poland crying?
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: So it turns out Poland was at war with the Soviet Union so now we have to teach Joey a lesson about respecting others and protect Poland.
Grand-Mistress Haslinger issues a statement: HOLY SHIT, Poland. Why the hell did you even ask for our help? You're doing fine on your own.
Next time: The Funky Shack goes to war with the Ecco The Dolphin Fandom