You know the scene in Firefly in which Shepherd Book cries to Inara "I think I'm on the wrong ship"?
That's me, right now.
Yup. I mean, the cover is terribly misleading. I came here for the story of an elf and her orange pet octopus going on adventures.
Jade the dark-skinned elf set her travel bag down in the sand, holding a hand over her eyes to block the glare from the sun. "Look, Mr. Gorftopus, the beach is nice and empty this morning!"
"BlubaLAblubalbLABbluh!" the orange octopus beside her flailed its tentacles happily, crawling its way across the sand.
Folding out her towel, Jade shed her t-shirt and stretched out in her green bikini, relaxing and soaking in the sun. Mr. Gorftopus slunk up beside her and quietly started feeling her with his tentacles.
"Hey, stop that!" she shouted, picking up the octopus and throwing him into the ocean. "Wasn't last night enough for you? Geez!" She slipped on a pair of sunglasses and laid back down. "A girl needs time to just relax, you know."
Chairslut of the Funky Shack Institute of Genital Philosophy