Post by Dash Sean the Ragemonster on Aug 19, 2016 7:47:38 GMT -6
OK kids. STORY TIME!
Don't worry, I'm writing using fingers this time so you won't have to hear my voice (but still, buckle up, this is gonna be a long ass ride. We're talking Mr Bones' Wild Ride time here.) Well, for the last few days I've been suffering from some very mild chest pains. Like a 1 or 2 out of 10 kind of pain, just enough to know it's there. Then today I was at work doing a thing (keeping it vague because this isn't just being posted here) when I suddenly got a 6 or 7 out of ten (and my numbers probably mean more than most people's would due to my overall pain tolerance being stupid high due to my back) pain stab directly to the left of my sternum. It only lasted a few seconds, but some aspiring biologists might realize that something else is right there. Know what it is? Can you guess? No? You've got no idea? Wow, I'm really disappointed in you and Dora will not get to go to Brazil. It's my flippin' heart!
I broke out in a cold sweat, ran to the bathroom, and vomited up everything ever, including some things I know I didn't eat like a toad and Macaulay Culkin's career. I'd just had the worst, most frightening chest pain of my life, and now I was puking. I think part of it was an enhanced sense of my own mortality after learning about Jenny's death, but I literally said to myself "I'm not going to be a fucking statistic" and I told my boss I was leaving and I left. I don't think I even bothered to punch out.
I drove myself to Maine Med, mostly just by following the big H signs until I was there. I parked and went in, telling them that I was having chest pains and that I was concerned about my heart. Almost ridiculously quickly they had me in, got my vitals, and got an ECG done on me. They told me that a doctor would look over the result and that if anything untoward was found they would get me shortly. When the second hour in the waiting room started, I decided that I just maybe was in the clear. If you are reading this in the Funky Shack, you were there with me as I pretty much live blogged my ordeal in the shout box, making the entire website all about me for an afternoon. In my defense, it was hecka boring in that place.
A little over two hours in, they came to get me for some paperwork (the stuff they normally do before seeing you at all when you don't think you are dying) and then maybe fifteen minutes after that they brought me out back and gave me an examination room. Also, big surprise, remember how not too long ago you couldn't bring your cell phone into a hospital because it would make the machine that goes "ping" explode? They had the instructions for getting on the guest WIFI in the examination room. Apparently they upgraded the machine.
I took off my shirt (LADIES) and put on a hospital gown (LADIES!!!) and sat on the chair and they took my vitals again. Then, after a while I met the doctor, who I am continuing to refer to as Dr Cashmoney because I am insufferable. She and I talked for maybe half an hour about my symptoms, my work, my lifestyle, my medical history, all that fun. She poked and prodded around my chest, and listened to my heart beat and breathing. She was able to find that the spot where the huge stab of pain was actually a tiny bit tender where the ribs met the sternum. She told me that my ECG had been normal, but she wanted to do a chest x-ray to make sure there weren't any growths or anything like that which could be causing the pain, as well as to make sure I didn't have an enlarged heart. She said she would check out the x-ray and look at my ECG again and then be back.
The radiologist (who was also the first and only woman under 60 I saw in the place. Young dudes all over but every woman had to be nearing retirement age. Since it seemed like these women represented more than half the staff, I can only assume that the hospital will have to close down in like ten years when they all retire. HA! Bet you thought I was gonna make a sexist joke there, well joke's on you, fiddle butt!) was really nice and even courtesy chuckled at my attempts to make jokes. See, I have a lot of fears, and chest x-rays are one of them because I am always convinced that they will come back showing that I have all the cancer, and I deal with fear by cracking wise. Gorfinax spare her for playing along. She also apparently didn't expect me to be ambulatory for some reason as she seemed to assume that she was going to have to wheel me there in the chair. I got up, since I figured it'd be easier if we both walked. Also, "wheeled around a hospital on a gurney" is not a look I'm quite ready to rock with any regularity, not if I can help it. I'd like to think that I was a compliant model for the x-rays, though she had to adjust me like 15 times for the side shot.
OK, fast forward to me being back in the examination room. Dr Cashmoney came in and told me that the x-rays revealed nothing worrisome and that my heart was the right size and place. She had gone over the ECG with a fine toothed comb and said that it showed a very healthy heart. We talked about my scoliosis (curvature of the spine, for the three people left in the world who have no experience with the condition) and how since the ribs extend out from the spine, my condition is putting strain on the ribs and most importantly the cartilage and other soft tissue between the bones of my rib cage. That tissue is becoming inflamed, giving me a condition called Costochondritis (eat THAT, spell check) She was quick to confirm that this was not a heart condition and that in her expert opinion I had not had any kind of cardiac event. She said she was 99% certain it was skeletal but of course if I suffered severe chest pain in future to not ignore it.
I signed a few more firms, was given a sheet with my diagnosis and how to handle it, and I went to my work to let them know all the info. Then, after some celebratory KFC, I came home and put off writing this for a couple hours. Now here I am, finishing it, and there you are, having lost interest 4 paragraphs ago and I'm pretty much just typing to myself, aren't I? Since that's the case, I really debated if I wanted to do this as a written or audio blog, but I kinda doubted anyone would want an even longer no script blather from me. Also, I don't know if there is really anyone who would prefer that format. So vote in the comments, you intrepid people who made it all the way to the end. Written or voice? No voting for both because my reading voice sucks and voice works better when it's not being read off a script anyway.
(seriously) TL;DR I had a heart scare, went to the ER, and they diagnosed me with inflammation of the chest wall and said that, against all serious probability, my heart and lungs are healthy. I love you all.
Don't worry, I'm writing using fingers this time so you won't have to hear my voice (but still, buckle up, this is gonna be a long ass ride. We're talking Mr Bones' Wild Ride time here.) Well, for the last few days I've been suffering from some very mild chest pains. Like a 1 or 2 out of 10 kind of pain, just enough to know it's there. Then today I was at work doing a thing (keeping it vague because this isn't just being posted here) when I suddenly got a 6 or 7 out of ten (and my numbers probably mean more than most people's would due to my overall pain tolerance being stupid high due to my back) pain stab directly to the left of my sternum. It only lasted a few seconds, but some aspiring biologists might realize that something else is right there. Know what it is? Can you guess? No? You've got no idea? Wow, I'm really disappointed in you and Dora will not get to go to Brazil. It's my flippin' heart!
I broke out in a cold sweat, ran to the bathroom, and vomited up everything ever, including some things I know I didn't eat like a toad and Macaulay Culkin's career. I'd just had the worst, most frightening chest pain of my life, and now I was puking. I think part of it was an enhanced sense of my own mortality after learning about Jenny's death, but I literally said to myself "I'm not going to be a fucking statistic" and I told my boss I was leaving and I left. I don't think I even bothered to punch out.
I drove myself to Maine Med, mostly just by following the big H signs until I was there. I parked and went in, telling them that I was having chest pains and that I was concerned about my heart. Almost ridiculously quickly they had me in, got my vitals, and got an ECG done on me. They told me that a doctor would look over the result and that if anything untoward was found they would get me shortly. When the second hour in the waiting room started, I decided that I just maybe was in the clear. If you are reading this in the Funky Shack, you were there with me as I pretty much live blogged my ordeal in the shout box, making the entire website all about me for an afternoon. In my defense, it was hecka boring in that place.
A little over two hours in, they came to get me for some paperwork (the stuff they normally do before seeing you at all when you don't think you are dying) and then maybe fifteen minutes after that they brought me out back and gave me an examination room. Also, big surprise, remember how not too long ago you couldn't bring your cell phone into a hospital because it would make the machine that goes "ping" explode? They had the instructions for getting on the guest WIFI in the examination room. Apparently they upgraded the machine.
I took off my shirt (LADIES) and put on a hospital gown (LADIES!!!) and sat on the chair and they took my vitals again. Then, after a while I met the doctor, who I am continuing to refer to as Dr Cashmoney because I am insufferable. She and I talked for maybe half an hour about my symptoms, my work, my lifestyle, my medical history, all that fun. She poked and prodded around my chest, and listened to my heart beat and breathing. She was able to find that the spot where the huge stab of pain was actually a tiny bit tender where the ribs met the sternum. She told me that my ECG had been normal, but she wanted to do a chest x-ray to make sure there weren't any growths or anything like that which could be causing the pain, as well as to make sure I didn't have an enlarged heart. She said she would check out the x-ray and look at my ECG again and then be back.
The radiologist (who was also the first and only woman under 60 I saw in the place. Young dudes all over but every woman had to be nearing retirement age. Since it seemed like these women represented more than half the staff, I can only assume that the hospital will have to close down in like ten years when they all retire. HA! Bet you thought I was gonna make a sexist joke there, well joke's on you, fiddle butt!) was really nice and even courtesy chuckled at my attempts to make jokes. See, I have a lot of fears, and chest x-rays are one of them because I am always convinced that they will come back showing that I have all the cancer, and I deal with fear by cracking wise. Gorfinax spare her for playing along. She also apparently didn't expect me to be ambulatory for some reason as she seemed to assume that she was going to have to wheel me there in the chair. I got up, since I figured it'd be easier if we both walked. Also, "wheeled around a hospital on a gurney" is not a look I'm quite ready to rock with any regularity, not if I can help it. I'd like to think that I was a compliant model for the x-rays, though she had to adjust me like 15 times for the side shot.
OK, fast forward to me being back in the examination room. Dr Cashmoney came in and told me that the x-rays revealed nothing worrisome and that my heart was the right size and place. She had gone over the ECG with a fine toothed comb and said that it showed a very healthy heart. We talked about my scoliosis (curvature of the spine, for the three people left in the world who have no experience with the condition) and how since the ribs extend out from the spine, my condition is putting strain on the ribs and most importantly the cartilage and other soft tissue between the bones of my rib cage. That tissue is becoming inflamed, giving me a condition called Costochondritis (eat THAT, spell check) She was quick to confirm that this was not a heart condition and that in her expert opinion I had not had any kind of cardiac event. She said she was 99% certain it was skeletal but of course if I suffered severe chest pain in future to not ignore it.
I signed a few more firms, was given a sheet with my diagnosis and how to handle it, and I went to my work to let them know all the info. Then, after some celebratory KFC, I came home and put off writing this for a couple hours. Now here I am, finishing it, and there you are, having lost interest 4 paragraphs ago and I'm pretty much just typing to myself, aren't I? Since that's the case, I really debated if I wanted to do this as a written or audio blog, but I kinda doubted anyone would want an even longer no script blather from me. Also, I don't know if there is really anyone who would prefer that format. So vote in the comments, you intrepid people who made it all the way to the end. Written or voice? No voting for both because my reading voice sucks and voice works better when it's not being read off a script anyway.
(seriously) TL;DR I had a heart scare, went to the ER, and they diagnosed me with inflammation of the chest wall and said that, against all serious probability, my heart and lungs are healthy. I love you all.