Post by cosmignon on Jul 22, 2017 0:22:32 GMT -6
some notes before you read this lil ficlet
“Drop, can I kiss you?”
Alias watched nervously as Drop slowly turned his head toward him, his expression difficult to read.
“Why?”
“Why did I ask that, or?”
“Why do you want to kiss me?”
“Oh!” Alias’ face burned with embarrassment, “Well, because, uh, I’m very fond of you.”
Drop’s expression continued to elude understanding.
“And, what I mean by that is, I’m fond of a lot of people! But it’s different when I think about you. I don’t know if there’s a better way to say it aside from… I love you, Drop.”
Drop stared at the eladrin, not taking his eyes off him as an uncomfortable silence fell over the two. Alias wanted to break the tension, but he hesitated, waiting for the moment Drop finally responded.
“I don’t… Alias, are you being serious?”
“Yes!” Alias mustered up as much conviction as he possibly could.
Drop’s expression finally changed, shifting from a look of near bored confusion to that of dawning realization. As if their conversation had only registered as the set up to a joke until that moment.
He wrung the end of his tunic as he turned his face away, now seemingly equally embarrassed.
“I’ve…. I never thought…. That’s, uh … Do you really mean that?”
“Yes! And, it’s perfectly alright if you don’t feel the same way about me!” Alias had to stifle an anxious laugh. “I understand if this is all very sudden, you should know by now that I’m not an advocate for rushing into anything. In all honesty, I knew I’d be too nervous to say anything unless I… just… said something, with no pretenses.”
Alias waited for any response, with the worry that he had said the wrong thing built up in the pit of his stomach. Drop kept himself turned away. He was quiet.
Even from the odd angle, Alias soon noticed that Drop’s face wasn’t just flushed; tears were starting to roll down his cheeks.
“Wait… Oh god. Did I push this all too fast? I’m sorry, I-”
“You…” Drop’s voice croaked, “You didn’t… I’m just…wait-” he paused to wipe at his face, “It’s just that … I’ve never been this close to someone before…. and I’m scared.” It sounded as though Drop intended to continue, but the rest of his words were choked out by a sob.
Alias froze. When he tried to speak, he only stuttered a semblance of sounds that were close to words but not quite. Panic set in; what a ridiculous question, of course Drop wouldn’t want to entertain the idea! Thoughtless! Stupid!
After an unbearably long minute, he finally managed to say: “I’m really sorry, Drop. I shouldn’t have brought it up at all. I’ll go."
He stood up, and he turned to leave. But he only took two steps before he felt the jolt of Drop grabbing his hand.
“No, don’t go!”
Alias turned back - Drop’s eyes were red, wide with shock. It was disconcerting to see him like this, a steady stream of tears rolling down his face, his breathing shallow and quick. They looked down at their hands, and Drop recoiled.
“Fuck, sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” He drew his hand close to his chest, “I just… I couldn’t… I want to talk. Please, don’t go yet, I want to talk.”
The two sat back down together as Drop caught his breath. He wiped his face, and took several deep, shaky breaths before trying to speak again.
“I’m scared, because I just realized that you, and Vinnie, and Violet… you guys are my friends. I know, that sounds dumb when I say it out loud. Of course we’re friends. But something about you sitting here. Saying that you…” the words got caught in his throat, “It made me think about losing you. I’ve been so sure I was going to be ok knowing that you guys will die, someday, at least as ok as I could be… but I realized, I’m not. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
"Well... at least you aren't carrying around that negative energy anym-"
"I know that! It's ridiculous for me to still be afraid of this."
"It's not ridiculous, I just thought... I'm sorry"
"No, no don't apologize..." He bent over himself, forehead in his palms as he pushed himself to keep talking. “It's just that you never had to keep me around. You could have left me behind so many times. Back out in the ocean, you almost did!” Alias felt a pang of guilt about that, even after all this time, “…but you didn’t. And now we're so close.”
“That’s because we care about you, Drop… ”
“I know, I know… I guess I just… never thought about that very much. I never thought I would need to.”
As Alias sat quietly, absorbing the conversation, he came to his own realization. It was astounding how deeply he had underestimated the depths of isolation Drop always endured. So many people, lost, buried in a past that Alias couldn’t begin to fully comprehend. And here he had been, hoping for a clear answer to a surprisingly messy question. His heart ached, not knowing if he could soothe Drop’s anxieties, but he wanted to do something, anything good.
“I want to be here for you, I want to help,” his voice wavered, but he managed to stay composed, “I’m not sure what I could do, but you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. Nobody ever should.”
No response. After an awkward pause, Alias tentatively placed his hand on Drop’s back. To his surprise, Drop scooted closer toward him.
“I…. I don’t know. I just need to think… but I also don’t want to be alone.”
“Then I’m not going anywhere.”
They sat in place for a long time, silent once again, but this time as a mutual agreement between them. Alias never lifted his hand from Drop’s back, instead rubbing it in small circles to comfort him. Drop didn’t refuse the gesture, eventually opting to rest his head on Alias’ chest. The stream of tears quietly slowed to a trickle. It was an oddly content sort of quiet.
Alias was almost startled when Drop began talking again.
“I’m sorry that I freaked out. I’m not good at this.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have tried to leave you alone like that. Besides, it’s better to talk through these sorts of things instead of ignoring them.”
“I guess so. I really didn’t mean to grab your hand like that though, I hope I didn’t hurt you.”
“You didn’t, and I forgive you. You’ve been going through a lot, and I’m sorry that I made things more stressful than they needed to be.”
Drop huffed, “I can’t remember a time when everything wasn’t already stressful. So you’re fine.” He patted Alias on the knee reassuringly. “Thank you for putting up with me.”
“I’m going to be here for you if you need me. The rest of your friends are too. We won’t leave you anytime soon. Things are going to be ok.”
“That is really hard to believe… but thank you.”
……….....
“Alias?”
“Yes, Drop?”
“Do you still actually mean what you said? About being in love?”
“I do. If you feel any differently though, that’s ok. Just being friends with you is worth the world to me.”
“That’s nice…” Drop sighed deeply, “I don’t think I’m ready for romance. At least, not right now.”
For the first time in an hour Drop sat up, and looked at Alias.
“But, maybe… if it’s not weird, I would be okay with it if you still wanted to kiss me? Just once.”
Alias’ heart skipped a beat. Then, another realization struck him.
“I’ve never kissed anybody before.”
“Me neither.”
“…Right, of course. Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
Alias shifted in his seat as he leaned toward Drop’s face, and Drop leaned in turn.
His first kiss was not as exciting as any books would had led Alias to believe. Their lips touched for no more than a few seconds before they withdrew to bashfully gauge what the other had thought of the brief yet intimate contact.
Drop’s face had yet to completely dry from his crying spell, but he looked much calmer than before. It would have been hard to tell that he felt anything about that kiss if Alias hadn’t already been familiar with his default expression of boredom, and its subtle changes. Right now, the faintest hint of a smile was all he focused on. Any smile was so rare, and he knew there was good reason for that, so he treasured the sight.
- all aboard for a bit of drop/alias
- its not super romantic, but it is sappy and dramatic? bc i write what i want, baby
- this takes place at an indeterminate amt of time after the events of the lorelei campaign
- but drop is still alive
- everything's fine
- don't worry about it
“Drop, can I kiss you?”
Alias watched nervously as Drop slowly turned his head toward him, his expression difficult to read.
“Why?”
“Why did I ask that, or?”
“Why do you want to kiss me?”
“Oh!” Alias’ face burned with embarrassment, “Well, because, uh, I’m very fond of you.”
Drop’s expression continued to elude understanding.
“And, what I mean by that is, I’m fond of a lot of people! But it’s different when I think about you. I don’t know if there’s a better way to say it aside from… I love you, Drop.”
Drop stared at the eladrin, not taking his eyes off him as an uncomfortable silence fell over the two. Alias wanted to break the tension, but he hesitated, waiting for the moment Drop finally responded.
“I don’t… Alias, are you being serious?”
“Yes!” Alias mustered up as much conviction as he possibly could.
Drop’s expression finally changed, shifting from a look of near bored confusion to that of dawning realization. As if their conversation had only registered as the set up to a joke until that moment.
He wrung the end of his tunic as he turned his face away, now seemingly equally embarrassed.
“I’ve…. I never thought…. That’s, uh … Do you really mean that?”
“Yes! And, it’s perfectly alright if you don’t feel the same way about me!” Alias had to stifle an anxious laugh. “I understand if this is all very sudden, you should know by now that I’m not an advocate for rushing into anything. In all honesty, I knew I’d be too nervous to say anything unless I… just… said something, with no pretenses.”
Alias waited for any response, with the worry that he had said the wrong thing built up in the pit of his stomach. Drop kept himself turned away. He was quiet.
Even from the odd angle, Alias soon noticed that Drop’s face wasn’t just flushed; tears were starting to roll down his cheeks.
“Wait… Oh god. Did I push this all too fast? I’m sorry, I-”
“You…” Drop’s voice croaked, “You didn’t… I’m just…wait-” he paused to wipe at his face, “It’s just that … I’ve never been this close to someone before…. and I’m scared.” It sounded as though Drop intended to continue, but the rest of his words were choked out by a sob.
Alias froze. When he tried to speak, he only stuttered a semblance of sounds that were close to words but not quite. Panic set in; what a ridiculous question, of course Drop wouldn’t want to entertain the idea! Thoughtless! Stupid!
After an unbearably long minute, he finally managed to say: “I’m really sorry, Drop. I shouldn’t have brought it up at all. I’ll go."
He stood up, and he turned to leave. But he only took two steps before he felt the jolt of Drop grabbing his hand.
“No, don’t go!”
Alias turned back - Drop’s eyes were red, wide with shock. It was disconcerting to see him like this, a steady stream of tears rolling down his face, his breathing shallow and quick. They looked down at their hands, and Drop recoiled.
“Fuck, sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” He drew his hand close to his chest, “I just… I couldn’t… I want to talk. Please, don’t go yet, I want to talk.”
The two sat back down together as Drop caught his breath. He wiped his face, and took several deep, shaky breaths before trying to speak again.
“I’m scared, because I just realized that you, and Vinnie, and Violet… you guys are my friends. I know, that sounds dumb when I say it out loud. Of course we’re friends. But something about you sitting here. Saying that you…” the words got caught in his throat, “It made me think about losing you. I’ve been so sure I was going to be ok knowing that you guys will die, someday, at least as ok as I could be… but I realized, I’m not. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
"Well... at least you aren't carrying around that negative energy anym-"
"I know that! It's ridiculous for me to still be afraid of this."
"It's not ridiculous, I just thought... I'm sorry"
"No, no don't apologize..." He bent over himself, forehead in his palms as he pushed himself to keep talking. “It's just that you never had to keep me around. You could have left me behind so many times. Back out in the ocean, you almost did!” Alias felt a pang of guilt about that, even after all this time, “…but you didn’t. And now we're so close.”
“That’s because we care about you, Drop… ”
“I know, I know… I guess I just… never thought about that very much. I never thought I would need to.”
As Alias sat quietly, absorbing the conversation, he came to his own realization. It was astounding how deeply he had underestimated the depths of isolation Drop always endured. So many people, lost, buried in a past that Alias couldn’t begin to fully comprehend. And here he had been, hoping for a clear answer to a surprisingly messy question. His heart ached, not knowing if he could soothe Drop’s anxieties, but he wanted to do something, anything good.
“I want to be here for you, I want to help,” his voice wavered, but he managed to stay composed, “I’m not sure what I could do, but you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. Nobody ever should.”
No response. After an awkward pause, Alias tentatively placed his hand on Drop’s back. To his surprise, Drop scooted closer toward him.
“I…. I don’t know. I just need to think… but I also don’t want to be alone.”
“Then I’m not going anywhere.”
They sat in place for a long time, silent once again, but this time as a mutual agreement between them. Alias never lifted his hand from Drop’s back, instead rubbing it in small circles to comfort him. Drop didn’t refuse the gesture, eventually opting to rest his head on Alias’ chest. The stream of tears quietly slowed to a trickle. It was an oddly content sort of quiet.
Alias was almost startled when Drop began talking again.
“I’m sorry that I freaked out. I’m not good at this.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have tried to leave you alone like that. Besides, it’s better to talk through these sorts of things instead of ignoring them.”
“I guess so. I really didn’t mean to grab your hand like that though, I hope I didn’t hurt you.”
“You didn’t, and I forgive you. You’ve been going through a lot, and I’m sorry that I made things more stressful than they needed to be.”
Drop huffed, “I can’t remember a time when everything wasn’t already stressful. So you’re fine.” He patted Alias on the knee reassuringly. “Thank you for putting up with me.”
“I’m going to be here for you if you need me. The rest of your friends are too. We won’t leave you anytime soon. Things are going to be ok.”
“That is really hard to believe… but thank you.”
……….....
“Alias?”
“Yes, Drop?”
“Do you still actually mean what you said? About being in love?”
“I do. If you feel any differently though, that’s ok. Just being friends with you is worth the world to me.”
“That’s nice…” Drop sighed deeply, “I don’t think I’m ready for romance. At least, not right now.”
For the first time in an hour Drop sat up, and looked at Alias.
“But, maybe… if it’s not weird, I would be okay with it if you still wanted to kiss me? Just once.”
Alias’ heart skipped a beat. Then, another realization struck him.
“I’ve never kissed anybody before.”
“Me neither.”
“…Right, of course. Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
Alias shifted in his seat as he leaned toward Drop’s face, and Drop leaned in turn.
His first kiss was not as exciting as any books would had led Alias to believe. Their lips touched for no more than a few seconds before they withdrew to bashfully gauge what the other had thought of the brief yet intimate contact.
Drop’s face had yet to completely dry from his crying spell, but he looked much calmer than before. It would have been hard to tell that he felt anything about that kiss if Alias hadn’t already been familiar with his default expression of boredom, and its subtle changes. Right now, the faintest hint of a smile was all he focused on. Any smile was so rare, and he knew there was good reason for that, so he treasured the sight.